the things he couldn't say.

for the past almost 2 years that i have known my Husband, he has never really opened up to be about anything.
i know it was the way he was raised. i always thought he had no heart.
today in a Facebook IM, i got what i have been looking for.

when he emailed me he told me
"damn i was really hoping you were either having or had him today i flew the flag today in his honor wether or not he was born. theyll have pics of me doing it. Im getting so nervous anxious impatient etc my body is shaking. i barely ate any chow cuz i thought for sure it was happing tonight now im even more of all of them. i love you and miss lots and lots cant wait to see your face and feel both of your warmths in my hands and against my chest."

and when he got onto Facebook, these were some of his comments.
"i was hoping to sign on and see a picture or something in my email or hey im in the hospital. ya im scared for you, i can see and imagine of you giving birth and holding him all worn out, etc everything clearly, and i get an image of a plane window in front of me the whole time and cant reach out to touch. thats how i feel right now."

"ya me too, except being way away makes me feel this way because no matter what happens, i cant do anything but wait on message for it to be good bad horrible who knows what kinda of news i kept forgetting what i was doing today, i even left the chowhall without a cover and had to run back."

"i was playing cpl ds guitar to chill out didnt work so i just listen to our songs and im waiting to write it out on paper when the package comes. ima write you a story and may change it into a song and stuff idk"

"ya dont remind me cuz just adds to the freaking not being able to do anything for you anymore.. except hope for the best. i wish i woulda broke something now" [meaning his hand or something before he left.]

i guess. deep inside of him, there IS a heart, and feelings and emotions.
though it felt weird reading all this because i have been angry with him lately.
at least i know he actually cares, it meant alot to me.

though i'm sure he wouldn't be too happy with me sharing his "man feelings" on my blog. it was too cute NOT to post.

stay safe, wherever you are. <3