Reason, Season, or Life.

i remember when i use to write a lot more than i do now.
and the theory i lived by when it came to people, was that there are three possibilities on why they are there.
some people come into your life for a reason.
some people only stay for a season.
and some people come and stay for the rest of your life.

Michael, is all three of those to me.
we all have a season, it's true. that one season we fell in love. for us, it was Summer.
a summer unlike any other, even if it was almost over.
that summer we fell in love.
when things were easy and we stayed out all night without a care in the world.
but he also came int my life for a reason.
he's taught me, so incredibly much.
he still is actually, being so far away.
some of these lessons were good, like finding my self worth and building up who i was suppose to be.
and some of them are bad, such as, not to let people walk all over me, including my husband with his friends.
but the reason of building me back up, was always his main goal.
i can honestly say he has shaped me and helped me grow into who i have become today.
that strong person everyone sees. the one who you don't understand can do it. that little hero inside a tiny girl.
he was behind a lot of that.

When i first met Michael, i had no idea who i was. i had lost myself the year before to an abusive, terrible, cheating relationship.
where being slapped in the face was easier to handle than being cheated on once more.
one day i plan to write the story of Fighting Billys Monster, the story i have been trying to write, for a really long time. and get somewhere in the middle and lose everything i ever felt. the strength i gained, i lose all control and i am once again lost in that place.
the closest one to knowing all that happened, is Michael.
and even he doesn't want all the details.
but one day, when i find my strength, when i stare at my son and think "look how far I've come"
i know that i will write my story.

Michael is my reason for letting myself go, knowing all my secrets, int hat season known as summer, where he stayed beside me, listening to every word i said, breathed in every single breath... and loved me for all the scars i had been given.

i will never forget my husband, for a lot of things. he's messed up more than a few times, and he hasn't always regained the trust. i still have my doubts, i still worry and stress and pick fights because i can't let go of some of the things he put me through.it's taken some time but it's getting better.

but with Michael saving my life that hot summer day, pulling up on that motorcycle, shaking my mothers hand and shoving a helmet on my head.
if it wasn't for the way he placed my hands on his waist and told me to hold onto him, and not to let go.
had it not been for that 3 hour conversation at Taco Bell on Willowcreek and 6 in Portage, IN talking about everything, and nothing.
if he would hae saw me through a different light than he did.
a perfect light, not the broken light that i was.
there wouldn't be a me.
it's all because of my Michael, that gave me the strength, to finally be free.