cant sleep.

no, i just can't.
i miss Mike more than i care to admit.
my heart is getting too caught up in everything.
it's been, a good two weeks, of nothing, no drama on his end, no talking to people he isn't suppose to, telling me the things i need to hear, calling me more often to make sure I'm okay.
is it too good to be true?
no, i don't think so. but then why do i still have this, wall up?
we have, just a little bit more than halfway left to go.
i'm thinking the last half will go by even faster.
my mommy and daddy come out here and meet Ryder!
planning comes into play, for signs, outfits, homecoming itself, EEP, and post deployment leave.
and  then we turn around and BAM, it's time for the ball. and two weeks after that i want to rent a cabin at Big Bear the first weekend of December, and spend time together up there in the SNOW, just the three of us.
then, we have to start decorating for christmas and getting and wrapping Ryders presents. even more EEP!
our babies first Christmas, ours as a FAMILY. and him not being in my little belly anymore!
i can just imagine Daddy carrying him down the stairs after Santa comes, yes, i will be making out with Santa that night, lol.
it's all just going to be so incredibly perfect.
just the two of us, that's it. no one else.
and then finally, around Ryders first birthday, we can travel to Indiana. because I'd like to have his first birthday party there, and both sides of the family can come and see him.

once again, i am excited for what life has in store for us. he BETTER not slip up again.
but something tells me that he won't.
god damn Deployment and you emotional cycles. can we just stop now?! PLEASE?!

but right now, i'm going to force myself to go to sleep.
tonights the last night Ryder will be in my bed. :(
the week of his 2 month birthday, i have to start getting him on a schedule with everything, and it's so sad.
even if he's going to be three feet away from me in his pack n play, and we will still probably snuggle in the mornings. it's just gah! i like him in my bed. it's a king, and i'm teeny, it's too big without the other half here.
::sighs:
anyway, goodnight world.

Michael Patrick, I'm missing you terribly tonight.
Stay Safe okay?