no, i just can't.
i miss Mike more than i care to admit.
my heart is getting too caught up in everything.
it's been, a good two weeks, of nothing, no drama on his end, no talking to people he isn't suppose to, telling me the things i need to hear, calling me more often to make sure I'm okay.
is it too good to be true?
no, i don't think so. but then why do i still have this, wall up?
we have, just a little bit more than halfway left to go.
i'm thinking the last half will go by even faster.
my mommy and daddy come out here and meet Ryder!
planning comes into play, for signs, outfits, homecoming itself, EEP, and post deployment leave.
and then we turn around and BAM, it's time for the ball. and two weeks after that i want to rent a cabin at Big Bear the first weekend of December, and spend time together up there in the SNOW, just the three of us.
then, we have to start decorating for christmas and getting and wrapping Ryders presents. even more EEP!
our babies first Christmas, ours as a FAMILY. and him not being in my little belly anymore!
i can just imagine Daddy carrying him down the stairs after Santa comes, yes, i will be making out with Santa that night, lol.
it's all just going to be so incredibly perfect.
just the two of us, that's it. no one else.
and then finally, around Ryders first birthday, we can travel to Indiana. because I'd like to have his first birthday party there, and both sides of the family can come and see him.
once again, i am excited for what life has in store for us. he BETTER not slip up again.
but something tells me that he won't.
god damn Deployment and you emotional cycles. can we just stop now?! PLEASE?!
but right now, i'm going to force myself to go to sleep.
tonights the last night Ryder will be in my bed. :(
the week of his 2 month birthday, i have to start getting him on a schedule with everything, and it's so sad.
even if he's going to be three feet away from me in his pack n play, and we will still probably snuggle in the mornings. it's just gah! i like him in my bed. it's a king, and i'm teeny, it's too big without the other half here.
::sighs:
anyway, goodnight world.
Michael Patrick, I'm missing you terribly tonight.
Stay Safe okay?
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Dear Deployment, No More.
Dear Deployment,
i am n longer going to let you kick my ass.
or throw me into horomonal downward spirals.
i will no longer get angry with my husband because he is finally getting it all right.
i will no longer let the little things bug me
and i will be thankful for having him in my life.
though i know i will lose sleep, i will let that be because of my tiny growing bay an not being sad that he is gone
instead, just be happy that i have him to miss and begin planning homecoming.
DEAR DEPLOYMENT,
i am no longer your bitch.
oh no, now, now you're MY bitch. my little dirty rotten hoe.
and you will go MY way, or get the fuck outta my city.
got it?
k, thank you
Love,
a Marine Wife.
i am n longer going to let you kick my ass.
or throw me into horomonal downward spirals.
i will no longer get angry with my husband because he is finally getting it all right.
i will no longer let the little things bug me
and i will be thankful for having him in my life.
though i know i will lose sleep, i will let that be because of my tiny growing bay an not being sad that he is gone
instead, just be happy that i have him to miss and begin planning homecoming.
DEAR DEPLOYMENT,
i am no longer your bitch.
oh no, now, now you're MY bitch. my little dirty rotten hoe.
and you will go MY way, or get the fuck outta my city.
got it?
k, thank you
Love,
a Marine Wife.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
stop it.
todays one pissy day.
and i couldn't care less about anyone else.
while my kid fights his god damn sleep and i get at most, 2 hours a night, and i'm doing this ON MY OWN.
and you complain to be about missing your husband, shut the fiuck up.
i couldn't give two shits that you can't decide between five guys to date, the fact that you come to me EVERY single day to talk about each one of them is beyond me. I'm married, i don't have issues on which one to choose. most days, i don't even want the one i have. joys of marriage right? why do you think i can honestly help you? choose oe, if you can't decide, stop sticking with the one you're with now.
i don't really care what the latest guy has said, while i don't ever talk to my own husband.
you should feel so fucking lucky.
I'm sick of being the friend everyone runs to for advice, while i'm struggling to keep my own head above the water. and no one respects ME for it. no one sees anything i go through, they're too fucking worried about their own issues. deal with it all yourself, i do!
i'm sick of seeing "i got phone calls!" and you complaining to me how much you miss your husband. even if they're in the same unit, get over it. you feel like we're in the same boat? yeah, we're not. not even fucking close.
if you complain, complain. sure you have that right.
but who gives you the right to complain to ME about it? when you have it sooo much easier. all you have to deal with is him being gone. good job. don't wanna hear it, thanks.
see, the way i see it, not many people have gone through what i have. sure, having babies without husbands, that's no big deal. but doing it completely alone? yeah, no thanks.
don't sit here and try to fucking tell me to be strong, i'm DONE being fucking strong. maybe that died when i stopped sleeping maybe?? and the next person that says "oh, he will be back before you know it!" is getting a nice little bullet through their brain.
shut the FUCK up, seriously.
i am beyond annoyed with everything and everyone.
if i say don't contact me, you'd think i'd be having a bad day, so respect it.
like i said, there's no nice words for anyone today.
don't like it? too bad.
walk in my shoes, good fucking luck.
and i couldn't care less about anyone else.
while my kid fights his god damn sleep and i get at most, 2 hours a night, and i'm doing this ON MY OWN.
and you complain to be about missing your husband, shut the fiuck up.
i couldn't give two shits that you can't decide between five guys to date, the fact that you come to me EVERY single day to talk about each one of them is beyond me. I'm married, i don't have issues on which one to choose. most days, i don't even want the one i have. joys of marriage right? why do you think i can honestly help you? choose oe, if you can't decide, stop sticking with the one you're with now.
i don't really care what the latest guy has said, while i don't ever talk to my own husband.
you should feel so fucking lucky.
I'm sick of being the friend everyone runs to for advice, while i'm struggling to keep my own head above the water. and no one respects ME for it. no one sees anything i go through, they're too fucking worried about their own issues. deal with it all yourself, i do!
i'm sick of seeing "i got phone calls!" and you complaining to me how much you miss your husband. even if they're in the same unit, get over it. you feel like we're in the same boat? yeah, we're not. not even fucking close.
if you complain, complain. sure you have that right.
but who gives you the right to complain to ME about it? when you have it sooo much easier. all you have to deal with is him being gone. good job. don't wanna hear it, thanks.
see, the way i see it, not many people have gone through what i have. sure, having babies without husbands, that's no big deal. but doing it completely alone? yeah, no thanks.
don't sit here and try to fucking tell me to be strong, i'm DONE being fucking strong. maybe that died when i stopped sleeping maybe?? and the next person that says "oh, he will be back before you know it!" is getting a nice little bullet through their brain.
shut the FUCK up, seriously.
i am beyond annoyed with everything and everyone.
if i say don't contact me, you'd think i'd be having a bad day, so respect it.
like i said, there's no nice words for anyone today.
don't like it? too bad.
walk in my shoes, good fucking luck.
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