Just One.

have you ever thought back and realized, if you had only done ONE single things differently,
that you wouldn't be where you are right now?

staring into my sons blue eyes earlier today, that is exactly what i realized.
i miss my husband more than i ever could have imagined.
and i began thinking about the first time we met, our first kiss, our first night together, skate park days and doty nights. how wreckless we were, with our hearts and souls, and with everything else in our little world together. just him and i, me and him. that's all that mattered.
and for once, i am thankful.
for all the bullshit drama.
for every battle, tear, and fight.
for that week of sleepless nights.
i stopped wondering what would have happened had i not gone to North Carolina last April.
and i am just so glad for what happened a year later than that.
had any part of our relationship gone even one slight kilter off, things wouldnt be the same. we wouldnt be the same. and more than likely, our beautiful son wouldn't be asleep in my lap as i type this.
it's sad that it has taken me a Deployment to let all the past hurts go. or maybe it was giving birth that did that.
but i no longer worry, or dread, i no longer sit and think about the times he's messed up, or even the day before me.
because now, and forever, he is mine. and our son's.
the past doesn't even begin to matter.

i have grown such a strong appreciation for my husband since he left.
it gave me time to sit down and really look how things have been and think on what it was that i really wanted. and now i know more than ever that all i ever want is him.
even up until a week before he left, i was so angry with him. for so so many things. things he never even meant to do, or didn't see how they hurt me.
that's his main flaw, he doesn't think all too well.
but for some reason, he has shown me more than enough now.
thank you, first month of Deployment, so letting me see the light, and letting my feel exactly what's real. i will forever remember that.
and i hope all the other months are just the same.

sleep well America, my Marine is protecting your freedom tonight.
remember, we're under the same stars. be safe, wherever you are. <3

forever, forever Michael Patrick.
Come Home Soon.